Repost

The Coward's Meme:
1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Disable comments.
4) Never discuss it again.

I know I did this before, but I am redoing it because so much has happened in the time since I did this last, I thought it was due for an update. I am not disabling the comments however, but I still won't say who the comments are actually directed to. So, here goes.

1. I love you, and I am afraid nothing is ever going to change that. Sometimes I am okay with that, and sometimes it makes me cry even more.

2. You're my best friend, even though sometimes you don't act like it. Sometimes I think we're too different to be such good friends because we see eye to eye on almost nothing, but it works for us and I'm not sure why. I don't really want to question it though, because I'm afraid if I do, it'll mess everything up anyway. You're the little brother I never wanted but was lucky enough to get, and I am glad I did.

3. I miss you. I'm not exactly sure why this happened, since our intentions were never to make you feel like you had to do anything. I hope I get to see you before you leave for grad school, but somehow I don't think that will happen.

4. I am so glad we became friends. It probably never would have happened the way it did if she hadn't broken up with you and while this was hard on everyone and you most of all of course, things worked out for the best. You are like my older brother and you have always been there for me and watched out for me. I appreciate that.

5. Looking back, the fact that we ever dated makes me wonder what we were thinking in the first place, we're much better off being friends and we function much better this way than we ever did as a couple. Come home safe so we can drink our Whiskey Sours at Jack's again.

6. It definitely pays to know the people I do, or I would not have you in my life. It feels like we've known each other forever and that I can say anything to you and you won't think I am completely crazy. Talking to you helps me almost more than anyone else, because like I said, it feels like we have known each other forever, and you really understand what I am trying to say even if it never comes out quite right.

7. I am glad we got over our rough patches in the last year and are friends for good again. You are there for me always and I hope you know I am there for you too. It always seems like I am the one who is going on and on about my particular trauma, and I hope you know you can talk to me about anything too, we don't just have to be goofy and throw books at Barnes and Noble, or sing Journey songs loud and off-key at Wal-Mart.

8. I am glad we talked, finally, though it took me almost a whole year to do so. I wish I would have talked to you sooner about my side of the story, what I thought happened at Sinley's. I think we probably could have been pretty decent friends if I hadn't been stubborn about it and for that I am very sorry. But I am glad we're straight now, and things are okay between us.

9. I feel like what happened that night was my fault. We were downtown for me and if we hadn't been celebrating me, maybe this wouldn't have ever happened. I guess the reason it was initially so hard for me to talk to you about it was because I felt so guilty, like it was all my fault. You're one of my best friends and I didn't act like it and I love you so much. I wish you were here, so I could hug you every day.

10. I am sorry the choices you made resulted you in losing friends you thought you would keep forever, even after the break-up, but you did this so you have to live with the consequences. Take responsibility for what happened and stop trying to blame the rest of us. We didn't cheat, we didn't screw anyone over. We were the ones cheated on and screwed over. Deal with it, get over it, leave us the hell alone.